My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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