Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
