Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
