I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
