Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
