Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
