i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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