Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
