He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
