it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
