He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
