It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry about my life...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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