his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
