I bet he comes in French.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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