Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
