So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Randomize
