you traded sex for a burrito?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
