Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
