we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize