i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
