yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
