i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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