It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
