is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
