Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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