Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
