VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
