there's paper in my vomit.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
high people should be assigned attendants
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
