Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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