It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
