i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
