why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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