I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
