on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
