I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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