thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
