I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
