it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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