I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
