I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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