i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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