he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
