oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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