i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
