Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
