im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have aggressive nipples.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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