i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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