You smell like stripper and shame
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
