Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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