i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
