Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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