I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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