i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
