jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
