You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
