I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
