Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
