they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
