So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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