how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just pee around me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
