my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
