another moral hangover. fuck.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I need a beard to bite.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
