happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
