I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
