my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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