my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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