There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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