I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
