i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
