Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
