you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
