i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
