ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
a search helicopter?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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