dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
