i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
