Porn is love you can see.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
