im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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