It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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