I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
