Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
