Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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