When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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