Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
