i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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