I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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