I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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