; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
