so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
