i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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