I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
