Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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