last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think i have two assholes
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
