my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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