I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Farmville is her only friend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
